I DO Give A Fig

I have never tasted a fresh fig. By all accounts, they don't travel well, and it's not like Canada is known for growing exotic fruit, so all we get here are the dried ones. I imagine they are as different in taste as a grape is from a raisin. What has given me this sudden, odd, and unquenchable need to actually taste a fig?

Yes, my shower gel smells so good that I now need to track down the nearest Greek person and beg them to tell me where to get a friggin' fig. Damn you, Korres for putting dreams into my head that were never meant to be!

Guess I'll just go eat my fig newtons now...

Listening to: Don't Trust Me - 3OH!

Lip Smackers For Grown-Ups!

Yeah.

Yeah, I know what this is for. I see that it specifies 'nipples', and is made for the sole purpose of 'nibbling'. Got it. Will receive shocked email from my mother in 3-2-1. Note to sisters and young friends: you can not buy this until you are legal.

But this stuff is awsome. Tasty and sweet with lots of plumping tingle. It's like a less painful version of Lip Venom, and it only costs $10 for a big ol' 2 ounce tub. That's a lot of balm. I've been glossing up with the Razzleberry, but the Stawberry is my favorite. I have to stop myself from licking it off every 2 minutes. Off my lips, that is. I *ahem* only condone using this on your lips.

Listening to: Mexico - Incubus

Trim The Hedges

Bikinis, shorts, dresses - they all have one thing in common.

Yes, they require you to shave. Spring has sprung, my friends, and that means ridding yourself of that yeti-like coat you have let grow unchecked on your body since November. I've been using coconut oil and plain ol' bar soap to lather up, and it gives a super close and silky finish. But there are uh...other things... that must be tamed as well, since beach season approacheth.

You know the 12 year old girl in the ill fitting one piece you always see at the local pool? And her mom has obviously not given her the 'facts of life' talk yet, and is not ready for her to grow up? And it looks like a fake beard is stuck down her bottoms? Yeah...You know what I'm talking about...You don't want to be 'that girl'...Nobody wants the pube peek going on. NOBODY.

I'm not saying you have to take it all off, but at least put on the bikini bottoms and clean up the stragglers. Anything else is completely up to you.

The best product for lazy folk such as myself is Nad's Brazilian and Bikini Kit. It heats up in your microwave, requires no cloth strips (yeah, no hassle to lay the strips down right, no icky cleanup!), and it gets rid of everything for 3 weeks. That means no razor burn or stubble 2 days after you 'took care of it'. And, if shapes and high pain tolerance are your thing, they include 'stencils' to shape the downstairs into a triangle, a heart, lightening, or the classic strip. At $11, this costs the same as a razor. Give it a try.

Listening to: Summertime - Sublime

Feel A Little Blue To Get Red-Hot

I love the idea of fire engine crazy red lips. I only ever pull electric cherry in my dreams. In reality, I usually just swipe on some pumped up version of my natural lip or a muted wine. It's pretty...but so boring. So, my fantasy Jenni is going to rock some rock-steady red. Yup.

Speaking of rock-steady and red, I have a tip from Gwen Stefani, the queen of the crimson pout: Use a sheer blue gloss over your red lipstick. It adds a blue tint to the red (but does not turn it purple) that amps up the colour, makes your lips look fuller (due to the shine reflecting off the curves of your lips), and (supposedly) makes your teeth look whiter. Whatever, if that's how Gwen gets those crazy red lips, I'm all for it. CoverGirl makes a blue gloss called Happy Hour. It's part of their Amazemint line, so it also gives a minty tingle. Mmmm minty... and I promise you won't look like you've got hypothermia.

Listening to: Bathwater - No Doubt

Stroke Me The Right Way

I hate buying makeup brushes. I hate walking into M.A.C. and looking at their horridly overpriced brushes. I hate knowing that I will buy them, even when I know Michael's Craft store has basically the same thing in the painting section for 1/5th of the price. It's garbage. So, out of poverty and need, I usually end up buying brushes from the drug store, which inevitably turn out to be absolute crap; bristles are rough, fall out, don't distibute product evenly, or seem to suck up product like a sponge.

This is an issue no more!

EcoTools makes a wonderful line of quality drug store brushes that I would say are comparable to expensive brands. I picked up their Blush brush for around $8, and was quite resigned to picking brush bits from my cheeks and having to throw the p.o.s. out within the month because it was falling apart. EcoTools has proven me wrong. This brush is incredibly soft taklon, and makes me want to sit and apply blush all morning long, just to have it strooooke up and down my cheek. It's gorgeous. And, you may be interested to know that these brushes are made with recycled or sustainable materials, and the bristles are made of cruelty free hair. It's just a small way to help, if that's your thing.

I haven't tried any of EcoTool's products besides the Blush brush, but the foundation brush looks halfway decent, and the angled liner brush looks serviceable too. I would say the Blush brush is equal to M.A.C.'s 116 Blush Brush, which retails for $38.50. That's a savings of over $30, guys. Go give EcoTools a try, and use the money you saved to buy yourself somethin' reeeaaaal niiice.

Listening to: Electric Feel - MGMT

Milky Milky Cocoa Puffs

I've always liked the idea of moisturizers. I try every one that catches my fancy, thinking they will work for me the way they work for everyone else, and always wind up looking like I've covered my face in Crisco (which, by the way, I've heard is an excellent moisturizer...). My face breaks out, gets red, or feels like it has been sealed with wax. But I always try again...

This time my persistence has paid off! Befine makes a Night Cream with cocoa, millet, & rice bran that I absolutely love! I haven't broken out! My face isn't red! I don't feel like I've applied Burt's Lipbalm to my face! And (this is the cool part) I'M NOT SHINY!

This is a first, people. I'm always shiny. I am the Kuwait of faces. I use this morning and night, and when this soaks in, I don't look or feel like I've put anything on. There is no residual slick, no funny surface sheen. My skin feels like skin...just softer than it was 5 minutes before, and more like I can stretch it and make faces to match my emotions without my skin cracking like a salt flat. And I'm mattified, but don't have that weird grainy-chemically feeling mattifying lotions get. Yes, this is a miracle. I would like to nominate whoever makes Befine products for a sainthood. I'm pretty sure this qualifies.

Don't run out and buy this if you aren't of the extremely greasy of face, I really don't think this will be enough for you. And, I'll admit, this has a slightly off boiled rice smell, but it fades quickly, I promise!You oily girls with strong olfactory defences, listen up: if you moisturize, your face won't try to compensate and over produce oil. Adding moisture can be a good thing - if you find the 'right' product. This one might be it. I bought mine from Superstore for $7, but it looks like this normally goes for about $20. I'd say it is worth it. If you aren't sure you want to shell out the money for this before you discover the magic for yourself, Befine makes little sample packettes, with enough product for about 10 uses, that cost about $2.

Listening to: I'm In Miami, Bitch - LMFAO *This is the international song of the douche. Just listening to it makes me feel like I need to pop my collar, wear Axe, and drive a big truck. But it's sooo catchy...

Ring The Alarms

Just incase you don't know, both Elizabeth Arden and Estee Lauder have gift with purchase promotions going on right now.

The Elizabeth Arden GWP is going on at Sears, and actually looks pretty sweet. It is a 9 piece set with a $38 purchase. It includes:

• 15 mL Ceramide PP Moisture Cream SPF 15/30



• 7 Ceramide Gold Ultra Restorative Capsules (3.2 mL)



• 50 mL Ceramide Purifying Cream Cleanser



• 5mL Prevage Anti-Aging Formula



• 15 mL 8 Hour Cream Skin Protectant



• 3mL Ceramide Lash Extending Treatment Mascara in Black



• Deluxe Compact with 3.6g Bronzer Duo, 2 eyeshadows in Wheat and Teak, and 2 lipglosses in Mandarin Shine and Frosted Camellia



• 3.5 g Ceramide Plump Perfect Lipstick in Perfect Shine



• 5mL Mediterranian Perfume
  

Seriously. That is a pretty sweet GWP.
At The Bay, if you choose to support ol' Aerin Lauder, Estee Lauder's GWP is a 8 piece set with a $32 purchse. It contains:

• Take It All Away Total Makeup Remover



• Your choice of Perfectionist [CP+] Wrinkle Lifting Serum or Idealist Pore Minimizing Skin Refinisher



• Your choice of warm or cool lip stick



• Your choice of warm or cool eyeshadow duo



• 3 makeup bags in blue (sm), lime (med), and navy (lg)



• And, with any purchase over $75, you can add 3 extra Hydra Lustre Lipsticks and a pink makeup bag.
  

I'm not totally impressed by this one, but if you're in to Estee Lauder products, now is the time to strike. I honestly have never used either of these brands, so I can't give you a run down on whether or not these products are good, but it might be worth your time to get something safe (foundation, bronzer, etc) from Elizabeth Arden, because by the looks of it, you get to try half of her line in the GWP. And if you need to stock up on your favorite Lauder or Arden products, you might as well get something extra for your hard earned cash.

Listening to: Underneath It All - No Doubt

Scrub A-Dub-Dub

I am a bath addict. I mean it. I crave baths during the day, and some may call me gross, but I will take a bath over a shower any day. I like to soak and then scrub the bejeezus out of my skin. As a result, I have silky smooth skin, even in winter (just so long as I moisturize after!).

My current favorite scrubbing tool is The Body Shop's exfoliating skin towel. Apocalypstick Now talked about a similar scrubbing cloth, the Salux Beauty Skin Cloth, back in February, and as I was reading it, I was going "Heeeeeey, I have one of those! She's right, they ARE magic!". Whichever brand you use, they are made of a rough, loose woven nylon cloth that scrapes gunk and dead skin cells from your body and satisfies every urge to itch your back, but they are still pretty soft and don't hurt. They dry very quickly, making these more sanitary than loofas, sponges, or washcloths, since germs don't have time to grow in the lovely wet environment. And these things are loooong. I cut 4 washcloth sized pieces for facial use out of mine and I still have a hefty long strip that I use to scrub my back and can ball up to make a loofa-style scrubber for body use. They come in all sorts of colours (The Body Shop one comes in green, orange, cream, and white), and they retail for about $5, so you can get several for different members of your household. That way you don't have to worry about contaminating yourself with someone else's cooties. Aaaaand these are washable, so chuck it in the machine on cold, or rinse out with some tea tree soap, let air dry, and you don't have to worry about rubbing your own dead skin across your body. Urgh.

A final word of warning: after exfoliating, no matter how you do it, please moisturize, or all of your insistent, border-line OCD scrubbing will go to waste. That lovely fresh skin will dry out extra quick if you don't slap some humecant lotion on there stat.

Listening to: Layla - Eric Clapton

Snow, Snow, Everywhere, Nor Any Tooth To Sparkle

I dunno if you guys have noticed, but I'm on a change-everything kick. This need to fix my hair, face, muscle tone, etc. hits about twice a year, and usually coincides with the beginning and end of winter. In the fall, I dye my hair outrageously dark and try to amp up my makeup, scaring my mother when she comes to visit, and in the late winter/early spring, I slather self tanner onto my pasty skin, try to achieve cali-beach hair, and obsessively try to beat my zits into submission. The changing of seasons has always bugged me, but waiting for winter to turn into spring in Alberta is like inchworming your way over hot coals. It's March, with 2 feet of snow, at -33c outside. And it will be like this until mid May. The thought is a bit depressing. Out of boredom and to maintain my sanity, I embark on mini makeover missions. If you want to psycho-analyze my motivations, perhaps I do these makeovers as a ritual, enabling me to feel like as I change, so will the weather, giving a subconscious feeling of control. Or, maybe I'm just sick of being stuck in the house for over 6 months of the year with f'in chapped, blindingly white skin.

So bear with me as I introduce another boredom induced project: teeth whitening. I'm off to buy Plus White 5 Minute Speed Whitening Gel today. According to every makeup blog I've read out there, this stuff knocks the socks off of all other tooth whitening products. All you have to do is squirt some of the gel into the tooth trays, or apply it to the tooth surface with a q-tip, wait 5 minutes, and then receive compliments from outrageously attractive men on the street. Or, y'know, flash your pearly whites at the cute guy in the car next to you while waiting for police to clean up the fender bender caused by someone trying to drive with all season tires in this weather. I'm sure he'll be able to see your sparklers from beneath your toque, balaclava, and down filled jacket...

Anyway, I guess this stuff doesn't cause tooth and gum sensitivity the way Crest Whitestrips do, and works better and faster than the Rembrant whiteners. And the plus side - it costs $7 (Can.) for the tube of whitener, or $14 for a whole kit, including the gel, a tooth tray, and some b.s. whitening rinse. That's a steal of a deal. Oddly enough, the only place I've been unable to find this is at Walmart. I've seen it at Superstore, London Drugs, Shoppers, etc. so it is pretty easy to obtain. If you're like me, and like to check everything out on MuA before you purchase, Plus 5's review page is here. I'm off to give this a go, and will update you on the results in about a week!

Listening to: Postcards From Italy - Florence And The Machine

Chapped Hand Therapy

Before this winter, I have never in my life experienced really dry skin. I've never had to apply moisturizers to keep my skin comfortable, and getting into this routine every day is tough for me. The worst part has been how dry my hands have become. I've taken to carrying 3 different lotions around in my purse.

My favorite out of these three is Crabtree and Evelyn's Gardeners Hand Therapy. It's thick and spreads really nicely, working into all the cracks, rought spots, and grooves in my hands. I usually don't enjoy lavender very much, but this stuff is balanced with fresh, green herbal smells so that the lavender isn't overpowering or cloying. It gets a little greasy on my palms, but I think it's worth it if my hands don't feel like paper anymore.

The downside of this stuff is that it runs for $14. That's quite a bit for what is essentially lavender scented shea butter. I was given this as a gift, and that's why I'm using it, but I probably wouldn't buy this of my own volition, since I'm about as cheap (and as poor!) as they come. If you need some moisture in your mitts, but don't have too much extra cash, pick up some Glysomed. It works about as well as Crabtree's lotion, but for less than 1/2 of the price. But, if you're in the market for something more luxe, give this stuff a try. If the lavender doesn't appeal to you, give the Rosewater hand therapy a go, it's light and lovely and not old-ladyish at all.

Skin: No new pimples, more moisturized around the eye area, old zits are going down. It's looking hopeful, but I'm not quite at the 'english rose' level yet.

Listening to: Handle Me- Robyn

Pick Up One Of Them Red Dirt Shirts, Too!

When I was little, my family would make the trip from the prairies to Prince Edward Island on the East coast of Canada. My mom's family lives there, and we would spend a couple weeks at my grandparent's house. My cousins would come over and we would run around eating strawberries and concocting potions made from my grammie's garden. My grandparent's house is in a small community that consisted of a crossroads, a church right across from their house, about 4 homes, and a tiny soap shop. Not exactly a bustling area of the island. So, when we had nothing else to do, my cousins and I would go over to the shop and spend the afternoon sniffing the wares. My favorite was always the minty one.

We didn't come back to visit the island for a few years, and by the next time we did, the soap shop had moved on to greener pastures, opening a little shop in Charlottetown.

So this Christmas, my aunt (who also lives on the island) sent me a little gift from Moonsnail Soapworks. I didn't think much of it at the time until today, when I was rooting around in my soap basket for a new bar. I found this bar wrapped in a green paper wrapper, and gave it a sniff.

It instantly took me back to my childhood. This was my minty favorite! Spearmint Swirl!

So I've decided, after a deliciously minty bath, to recommend that you guys head on over to Moonsnail's Website and place a little order. All of their products are made in-shop, and have wonderfully simple and natural ingredients. I'm not kidding. My Spearmint Swirl contains "Saponified olive, coconut & palm oils, distilled water, vitamin E and spinach powder" and spearmint essential oil. That's it. You could eat this (y'know, except for the lye part). This soap is a good Lush alternative, and it costs way less - $4.95 (CAN) per bar.

Or, if you happen to be on a vacay to the island soon, make sure to stop in Ch'town and visit Moonsnail at their new studio along the waterfront.

Listening to: Sunshowers - M.I.A (My cat thinks the bird noises are real...)

The End Is Near!

For all my Canadian friends, Clinique's awsome gift - with - purchase promo ends Sunday. Yes, you need to get on down to the Bay and get this stuff. Spend $26.50 and get:

• Dramatically Different Moisturizing Lotion


• 7 Day Scrub - Rinse Off Formula


• Clinique Lash Doubling Mascara


• Clinique Blush with a brush (But the brush is probably crap)


• A lipstick


• And a purple and white makeup bag

I actually kind of like the Clinique lotion, and the blush looks like a pretty and neutral colour, but I'm excited by the lipstick they offer. You have the choice of Black Honey and Air Kiss Pink. I have both of these lip colours, and the Air Kiss is a sticky gloss type of thing that attracts my hair to it like fly paper. And it really isn't any kind of colour at all...unless sticky pale crap is a colour. But the Black Honey is a great sheer red that looks good on winter pale skin. It really does look almost black in the tube, but it wears very sheer and pumps up your natural lip colour nicely. If you're a little shy about going for a full fledged red, this is a good colour to break you in. Go get this 'bonus' kit just for the lipstick. To spend your $26.50, go for Clinique's Happy To Be perfume.

Listening To: Right Round - Flo Rida

An Affair To Remember

I bought Burt's Bees Garden Tomato Toner last night. And I already love it. I'll admit that I have serial love affairs with toners and astringents, but I rarely find one that I could turn into a long-term relationship. I think this might be 'the one'!



I guess I'd better justify how I fell so hard so fast...I like the way it smells - like tomato leaves that have been crushed. It's pleasant and herbal. And, unlike a lot of other toners that leave my face feeling dry or tight, this one made me feel clean and exfoliated without reddening my cheeks, and left me suprisingly soft feeling. Almost like I'd put on a light day lotion. And it cleaned up my greasies, and dried up a zit that was brewing on my chin. It really seems like it might be the real thing.

Oh, and the really amazing thing...this stuff is a cheap date. I'm not sure what it retails for normally, probably in the $10-$15 range if you find it at a health food store (like Nutters), or a drug or grocery store (try London Drugs or Whole Foods if you live in the States). I found it at Save-On-Foods for under $5. If you live in Alberta, get there quick. I doubt you'll find any date that affordable, and if you actually have a sweetheart for this Saturday, you only have a couple days left to refine your gorgeousness!

Listening to: Be Mine - Robyn

Make Eyes At Me

For my little sister's 14th birthday, I bought her some cosmetic type stuff. Including the simple, super cheap, and versatile Tapestry Taupe eyeshadow from CG. This is a light silvery-brown that works on all skin tones and colourations. I'm blonde with dark brown eyes, and this makes my eyes look darker and deeper; one of my Asian friends used to wear this, and it complemented her skin; and my sister's blue eyes popped and looked extra blue with this done in a subtle smokey eye.

This is a great shadow for everyday, with just a light wash over your top lid, or with more dramatic layered looks for special occasions or a night on the town. I wear it with brown mascara on a day to day basis because of my fair skin and hair, but it creates a really intense look when combined with black liner along the waterline and lots of black mascara. If you need something with a bit more warmth, try CG's Mink shadow. This is a similar colour, but has gold flecks instead of silver. Try it with green or brown eyes and medium skin tones. For me it doesn't work; it makes my skin look sallow and my eyes sunken. But lots of people swear by it, so give it a go. If you don't know which one to try, just go buy both! They retail under $4 at most major drugstores. But be quick - these two are Cover Girl's most popular shadows (with reason), and they sell out like hot cakes.

Listening to: Toxic - Britney Spears