Doing The Caterpilar Crawl

Please do something with your eyebrows.

Can you imagine what some tweezers, a magnifing mirror, and a bit of clear mascara could have done for these guys?

I'm not saying you need to pluck your brows into oblivion (on the contrary, a manicured full brow is quite becoming), but please groom and control them. I used to finish my makeup and leave my eyebrows to do as they pleased, and by the end of the day I was doing my best to make my Scottish ancestors proud.

I eventually figured out that a quick swipe of clear gel, teasing the 'brow hairs up just a smidgen, framed my whole face and polished the look. No more wonk stray hairs! No more bangs ruffling the arch and giving me a mildly quizzical expression! Yay!

You can tame your face fuzz with whatever products you wish; Ive heard of chapstick to glue them down, hairspray or hairgel on a clean eyecomb, and brow wax. Find a way that suits you.

Wonky 'brow affects 1 in 3 people...are you at risk?

Listening to: Instant Pleasure - Rufus Wainwright

Breeding A New Bunny

Y'know how everyone does the 'snow bunny' look in winter, with the frosty shadow, pale lips, and shimmery pink blush? Pair with a silver bikini, earmuffs, mittens, and furry white yeti boots, and you've got beer girl at the ski hill...but a hot beer girl...

Anyway, with the advent of spring, the 'snow bunny' needs to uh...change its colours. So, I present to you the 'easter bunny' (come on, gimme a break...).

You can do this with all drugstore makeup if you're doing cheap n chic, or you can have some fun with M.A.C. You need:

• CoverGirl Eyeshadow quad in Urban Basics



• Black or brown eyeliner



• Revlon Matte Blush in Rose Rapture



• Burt's Bees Lip Shimmer in Rhubarb



• Your regular old foundation, coverup, mascara, etc.
  

Do your base and give yourself a light cover - let your freckles peek through if you have them, but cover dark spots. You want a creamy, matte finish.

Add blush to your apples and blend out.

With the shadow,use the white highligher on the inner corners of your eyes and highlight your brow bone lightly.

Make a smokey eye with the blue-grey shade. Add some of the taupe for shimmer if you want, or make the grey more opaque for a matte look. This stuff applies pretty sheer, and after 1/2 an hour tones down to more of a grey than a blue-purple.

Line your top lashes with a medium thickness line.

Curl your lashes and pile on the mascara on the top.

Give a quick swipe of the Burt's lipgloss. I know it applies in a weird pink at first, but rub it in well and it is a perfect springy, girly pink. For extra gloss, add some bubblegum liquid gloss. I like Quo's Lip Gloss in Babe.

Curl your hair, throw on a sundress and a cardigan, and smile at everyone who passes. This is very on-par with the spring makeup looks that went down the runways.

I promise you will make a better 'easter bunny' than this guy...

Stroke Me The Right Way

I hate buying makeup brushes. I hate walking into M.A.C. and looking at their horridly overpriced brushes. I hate knowing that I will buy them, even when I know Michael's Craft store has basically the same thing in the painting section for 1/5th of the price. It's garbage. So, out of poverty and need, I usually end up buying brushes from the drug store, which inevitably turn out to be absolute crap; bristles are rough, fall out, don't distibute product evenly, or seem to suck up product like a sponge.

This is an issue no more!

EcoTools makes a wonderful line of quality drug store brushes that I would say are comparable to expensive brands. I picked up their Blush brush for around $8, and was quite resigned to picking brush bits from my cheeks and having to throw the p.o.s. out within the month because it was falling apart. EcoTools has proven me wrong. This brush is incredibly soft taklon, and makes me want to sit and apply blush all morning long, just to have it strooooke up and down my cheek. It's gorgeous. And, you may be interested to know that these brushes are made with recycled or sustainable materials, and the bristles are made of cruelty free hair. It's just a small way to help, if that's your thing.

I haven't tried any of EcoTool's products besides the Blush brush, but the foundation brush looks halfway decent, and the angled liner brush looks serviceable too. I would say the Blush brush is equal to M.A.C.'s 116 Blush Brush, which retails for $38.50. That's a savings of over $30, guys. Go give EcoTools a try, and use the money you saved to buy yourself somethin' reeeaaaal niiice.

Listening to: Electric Feel - MGMT

Can You Can-Canela?

My boyfriend's parents go on vacation to the Dominican about twice a year. With the uncanny precision of a sixth sense, they always go right when the weather turns to absolute shit and we all hole up like rodents, under layers of blankets to keep warm. And, they return, tanned and smiling, bearing rum and coffee, right after the worst of the blizzard has passed. I don't know how they do it.


Anyway, they came back again a couple weeks ago, and brought us some vanilla, coffee, and coconut oil. My boyfriend loves to cook, and he wanted some different types of oils to try. His parents brought us back a squirt bottle with the words "For A Fast and Long, Lastin Tan" (sic) on the front, and a glass bottle called "Can Canela". Neither of them looked like they would make great cooking oils (although 'Fast and Long, Lastin" does smell a tidge like mushrooms... I'm not sure I could trust it). So, I carted both of them off to the bathroom to join the ranks of bathroom crap I try once then throw in a basket and never look at again.


But...the Can Canela stuff is wonderful! I opened it up to put a little on my lips when I was running late one day, and discovered that 'canela' meant that it was cinnamon. Heh. If my Spanish was better, maybe I would have known that, eh... Anyway, I've been using this for everything lately. It moisturizes hands and feet, plumps and shines up lips, makes a lovely bath oil, and gives a wonderfully close and satiny shave. I can't believe I haven't tried coconut oil before.


You don't have to wait for someone to vacation in the Caribbean to try this out. Health food and grocery stores sell tubs of coconut oil (it is a bit more expensive when it's imported...$10-$15), and seriously, all the Dominicans did was throw a cinnamon stick into the oil and let it sit there and steep. You can do the same thing. You could also use ground cinnamon, but I don't think I would use that on anything but lips, since it might be gritty. Throw some into little travel tubs or lip pots, and you have gorgeous on the go. But, be warned, this stuff switches from solid to liquid very quickly. It is solid in my house (about 18C), but liquid the second it touches my hands. Use with caution. And...maybe look for your "fast", "long", and "lastin" things elsewhere, m'kay?


Listening to: Summertime - Sublime

Milky Milky Cocoa Puffs

I've always liked the idea of moisturizers. I try every one that catches my fancy, thinking they will work for me the way they work for everyone else, and always wind up looking like I've covered my face in Crisco (which, by the way, I've heard is an excellent moisturizer...). My face breaks out, gets red, or feels like it has been sealed with wax. But I always try again...

This time my persistence has paid off! Befine makes a Night Cream with cocoa, millet, & rice bran that I absolutely love! I haven't broken out! My face isn't red! I don't feel like I've applied Burt's Lipbalm to my face! And (this is the cool part) I'M NOT SHINY!

This is a first, people. I'm always shiny. I am the Kuwait of faces. I use this morning and night, and when this soaks in, I don't look or feel like I've put anything on. There is no residual slick, no funny surface sheen. My skin feels like skin...just softer than it was 5 minutes before, and more like I can stretch it and make faces to match my emotions without my skin cracking like a salt flat. And I'm mattified, but don't have that weird grainy-chemically feeling mattifying lotions get. Yes, this is a miracle. I would like to nominate whoever makes Befine products for a sainthood. I'm pretty sure this qualifies.

Don't run out and buy this if you aren't of the extremely greasy of face, I really don't think this will be enough for you. And, I'll admit, this has a slightly off boiled rice smell, but it fades quickly, I promise!You oily girls with strong olfactory defences, listen up: if you moisturize, your face won't try to compensate and over produce oil. Adding moisture can be a good thing - if you find the 'right' product. This one might be it. I bought mine from Superstore for $7, but it looks like this normally goes for about $20. I'd say it is worth it. If you aren't sure you want to shell out the money for this before you discover the magic for yourself, Befine makes little sample packettes, with enough product for about 10 uses, that cost about $2.

Listening to: I'm In Miami, Bitch - LMFAO *This is the international song of the douche. Just listening to it makes me feel like I need to pop my collar, wear Axe, and drive a big truck. But it's sooo catchy...

I WILL NOT Be Inviting YOU To Tea!

No.

Just...No.

I am constantly on the lookout for something that will give me pretty, sexy beach hair. I am essentially a lazy creature, but my vanity demands that I look good. So, I try to find the shortest route to pretty that I can. Always.

I was hopeful that this would be a shortcut to my hair in the morning - texturized and wave inducing without being crunchy, wet-gel looking, or terribly expensive. "Separate curls and waves to create a dishevelled, loose, beach life effect"? Sign me up!

It. Did. NOT. Deliver.

This smells like you have doused your head in Acqua DiGio, the scent of douchebags and popped collars world wide. I'm not talking 'just a little' masculine...this is full on gross. When I got into the car, my boyfriend sniffed and asked me what in hell I had put on. He doesn't notice this stuff unless it is bad.

And it did not wave my hair. It just looked chunky and a bit stiff, like I had sprayed the bejeezus out of it with spray starch. This morning when I woke up, I noticed that my hair had literally felted together in some places.

No.

My Anglophilia stops here. Well...except for the hot mess below...

Listening to: Not Fair - Lily Allen

Put A Little Spring In Your Step

On Friday and Saturday, it was gorgeous here. I felt so uplifted; I went and poked around looking for pretty sun dresses at the mall and skipped through the slushy puddles. The sun was out, the snow was melting, and one of the spring irises was blooming in my garden! I couldn't help but go buy a pretty spring nail colour to match my mood.

I picked up N.Y.C.'s In A New York Color Minute Quick Dry polish in Uptown (242B) for a very affordable $1.99. This is a perfect petal pink, just like the lipstick Barbie wore in the 90's. Uptown applies really smoothly without streaking or getting that weird layered look pink polishes sometimes get, so you can choose to apply a more understated single coat or a bold 12-inch-doll double coat. It really is so springy and cute, it instantly lifted my mood.

Which is good, since Sunday it snowed like a mutha and turned back into winter. Great.

Listening to:The Beginning Is The End Is The Beginning - Smashing Pumpkins